


In My Head, I Do Everything Right

by mindyyorkes



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Past Child Abuse, dw all the pain will be worth it in the end (hehe), like a whole lotta angst, the deanoru is minor but they're cute and fluffy so it's worth it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-08-05 00:16:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16356971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindyyorkes/pseuds/mindyyorkes
Summary: It’s been five years since Gert and Chase’s nasty breakup. In their mid twenties now, they’ve still never managed to move on. When circumstances bring them back together again, only time will tell what will happen next.





	1. A Change of Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chapter fic in literal years so I'm very nervous to post this. But I'm also excited to put it out into the world!!! I hope you all enjoy!!!!
> 
> Fic title is from Supercut by Lorde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title is from A Change Of Heart by The 1975

**_Five years ago..._ **

 

It was just like any other rainy Saturday morning.

 

Chase woke up, brushed his teeth and walked into the kitchen to start his coffee. He put a bagel in the toaster oven and reached for a clean mug in the cupboard. Today’s mug? A gag gift from Gert for their four year anniversary. It says World’s Best Dad on it, which makes him laugh every time.

 

He sat down at their kitchen table, scrolling through his phone, as he did most mornings. Gert was off on a before breakfast jog that Karolina had forced her to partake in, and he’d be off to the gym himself in no time. He had always tried to convince Gert of the benefits of exercise, but it figured that Karolina would be the one she would listen to. His girlfriend is absolutely awful at telling her no- _something about those big blue eyes,_ she had always said.

 

Once he finished with his breakfast, he set his phone down on the counter and wandered back towards their bedroom, noticing that Gert’s running shoes were still next to her dresser. _Weird._

 

Chase walked towards the messy bed, planning on _him_ being the one to make it look presentable, for once. Gert always griped at him for not making it every morning, so today would be the day he proved her wrong.

 

Except he wouldn’t, because the second that he pulled back the comforter is the same second that he saw _it_.

 

The note.

 

The ring.

 

Her _engagement_ ring.

 

For a few seconds, he just stood there, sure he must have been hallucinating. Sure that this was just some cruel prank. But, nope. This was real. And that made it even _worse_ . He imagined what she had looked like slipping the ring off her finger. What she had looked like writing that note, with her favorite fuzzy blue pen that he bought her forever ago. Imagined what the exact look on her face as she walked out the door to their apartment. His brain started to go fuzzy as he pictured it. Everything was moving so fast and so slowly all at once. It was too much- all of this was too much. But as much as Chase would have liked to, he couldn’t stop time and make her come back, make her _explain herself_. If he could, he’d be in the time machine already.

 

Chase picked up the letter, scanning the words before him with a careful eye. His knees gave out as he fell down onto bed, letter in one hand and ring clenched in the other.

 

_Chase,_

 

_By the time you read this, I’ll already be gone. This was the only way this could happen. I couldn’t say goodbye to you in person. I know that makes me a coward, and I’ll carry that with me forever. Believe me, I hate me more than you hate me right now._

 

_Things with us haven’t been great in a while. Our engagement was a last ditch effort to try and salvage this. I’m tired of the fighting, tired of the screaming, tired of going to bed angry at you and then pretending like nothing happened in the morning. I need a mental cleanse. I have to start over. You’ve been in my life for so long, and you became my comfort. I need to know who I am without you. I think you need to figure out who you are too._

 

_Despite all of this, I’ll love you until the end of time. You might not believe that now, in a few months, or ever again, but it’s true. I’ve loved you since I was four years old. You’ve always been the one for me, but I need to be on my own for a while._

 

_I hope you’ll understand why._

 

_Goodbye for now._

 

_I’m sorry._

 

_Gert_

 

* * *

  
  
_Then she said, I've been so worried 'bout you lately_  
_You were fit but you're losing it_  
_You played a part, this is how it starts_ _  
Oh I just had a change of heart_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout and thank you to my beautiful betas: Emma, Alessia, and Lauren, whom I love to bits. This fic (and me) would be nothing without you!!!!


	2. Your Ex Lover Is Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Your Ex Lover Is Dead by Stars
> 
> (fyi: the titles featured in this fic narrate the story and for all dramatic purposes I suggest listening to them while you read...but that's just my vibe)

_It's nothing but time and a face that you lose_  
_I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose_  
_I'll write you a postcard_  
_I'll send you the news_  
_From a house down the road from real love_

 

* * *

 

Chase doesn’t understand how he gets himself into these situations.

 

To be fair, he _is ‘_ the punctual friend’. Never late, always early. But the fact that he’s still the first friend to show up on time despite no longer living in this state, let alone in this _country_ , surprised him. Nico and Karolina are to be married in a week, and while he’s totally elated for them, he’s still a tiny, eensy weensy bit peeved because he got stuck with all these _dumb_ pre-wedding duties. There he sits, string lights in his lap, trying to figure out which was the dud by himself- _it’s forty feet of lights!-_ because no one else had showed up yet.

 

“Any luck, Chase?” Karolina asks, surrounded by the colorful flower arrangements she’s currently sorting through. The pastel blooms make her look even more fairy like than usual, and it throws him for a loop.

 

“Nope, none whatsoever. Is there anything else that needs doing?”

 

Nico comes up from behind and pokes at his side. “Bored, best man?”

 

“You caught me.”

 

He watches as Karolina and Nico make eye contact from across the room, both mouthing words that he can’t make out. Even in these small moments, he can’t believe how cute they are. On the one hand, it makes his heart swell up with love for his friends and for how happy they are, but on the other...it hurts _so_ bad.

 

God, Karolina and Nico had been in love for as long as he can remember. Even when they weren’t together, they were always the other’s first choice. Once they finally got their shit in order and made it official, they’d been in the purest form of love Chase has ever stood witness to.

 

Nico is Chase’s best friend in the whole world, and he owed a lot to her. They grew up as neighbors and were friends since birth. She was there for him the most during the post Gert Destroying His Heart period. She got him to go to therapy, which he was adamant on not doing for years until he gave in, and it _changed_ his _life_ . Despite the different time zones, Nico would always answer his calls. It’s not to say that Karolina isn’t great as well, because she is. It was weird for him at first, considering Karolina’s best friend _is_ Gert, but they had grown closer during the past five years too. He was so thankful for them, their friendship, and the amount of love they had shown him. They deserved to be happy.

 

But, he’s still jealous. So, _so_ jealous.

 

“Actually, yes. Could you go pick up Molly from the airport? I was supposed to, but…” Karolina gestured towards the flowers around her.

 

“I mean, I guess? Couldn’t she just get a Lyft?”

 

“Would you rather bore yourself to death plucking through those lights or go to the airport to pick up your friend who you haven’t seen in forever?”

 

Chase shrugs. _It could be worse_ , he thinks to himself. _They could be forcing me to pick up…_

 

“Pleaaaaaase Chase,” Nico pouts. “I’ll pay for your Starbucks!”

 

“Fine! Fine! Fine! I’ll do it. Just text me the deets for what terminal she’s in.”

 

Nico wraps her arms around Chase, giving him the biggest squeeze. “You’re the best.”

 

He pats her back, grinning. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

Just as Chase exits the reception hall, Karolina makes her way over to Nico, snaking her arms around her waist. Resting her head on her shoulder, she placesd a kiss on her soon to be wife’s cheek.

 

“We’re the worst, aren’t we?” Karolina asks, followed by a slight giggle.

 

“Kind of. He has no idea.”

 

“It’s for their own good. They’ll thank us someday.”

 

* * *

 

“God damn it, Nico. Pick up! _Pick up!_ ”

 

Chase is currently smack dab in the middle of baggage claim at LAX, because his so called best friend still hasn’t told him what terminal Molly would be at. Getting here was a bitch; traffic was horrible and Starbucks got his _fucking_ order wrong. Finding a parking spot was hell on earth, and he is _way_ overdressed for the California weather, according to the sweat accumulating on his forehead. He was sick of this airport, considering he had just flown in himself. Jet lag was starting to get the best of him. He really needs a cold drink right now, and maybe a ten year nap.

 

He called Nico one more time before giving up, throwing his phone into his pocket. It was no use. He was on his own with this one. Chase’s one consolation was that, at the very _least,_ Molly would make this shitty day better.

 

Out of their friendship group, Molly has always been his favorite. She’s family to him, the little sister he never had (and the sister he almost _did_ have, until...never mind. He can’t think about that right now). He hasn’t seen her in years, but only because she’s been super busy with school —she’s currently attending the Joffrey Academy of Dance in Chicago, which he is _tremendously_ proud of her for.. Molly had always _loved_ dance. Chase attended all of her recitals through high school, and was probably her biggest fan, outside of certain purple haired family members. He was even there when she got her college acceptance letter. She’s a star, and getting to see her succeed was something Chase has always adored. Things between them grew stagnant for a while after the break up happened, but recently Molly had reached out to him, and they’ve been reconnecting. It’s nice to have her back in his life, even if it isn’t on a permanent basis.

 

Chase continues searching for Molly in the crowd, weaving through a sea of people in as just as big of a rush as he is. He hadn’t seen a flight coming in from Chicago on the arrivals screen, but he just assumes she’d taken a connecting flight. He felt weird staring intently at strangers, but he wasn’t quite sure what Molly and her ever-changing style were up to these days.

 

“I could probably just text her,” he mumbles to himself. He pulls his phone back out of his pocket and began to type out a message, until he looks up one last time and...well, everything stops.

 

Chase feels his throat close up, his mouth go dry, and the overwhelming feeling that he’s about to pass out wash over him. He can’t breathe, and, oh, great, he’s hallucinating, because he _has_ to be seeing things, right?. Karolina and Nico would never do this to him, to _them_.

 

Except, they most definitely _would_.

 

There Gert stands, not even four feet away from him. It didn’t matter that five years have passed; he would be able to spot her in any crowd. Her hair is much longer, much darker, too, but it was most definitely still her signature purple. Her white t-shirt is tucked into her jeans, a pair of black boots and a black trench coat to topping it all off. Her glasses frames are black, now- a more serious alternative to the clear frames she once wore. Chase can’t believe that she’s here, can’t believe that he’s looking right at her with his own two eyes for the first time in what feels like a millenia.. She’s as beautiful as she always was- that, at least, will never change.

 

Chase tries to calm down, knowing soon enough she’ll turn around and see him. She hasn’t, yet, so there’s still time for him to flee, but deep down he knew he couldn’t, since, unfortunately he’s a nice person, and she _did_ need a ride from the airport.

 

They were going to cross paths at some point this weekend anyway. Clearly Karolina and Nico had it out for them, because, of course, they were the best man and maid of honor. He knew he was faced with the reality of having to see her again, but he _never_ imagined it would be under these circumstances. This is a nightmare.

 

“Breathe,” he whispers to himself, “you can do it.”

 

Not even years of therapy could prepare him for this.

 

He watches as she turned around. The second they made eye contact, all hope of keeping his cool is completely lost. Nope, there’s no way he’s going to survive this. He sees her cringe, the smile on her face fading as her entire demeanor changes from calm to abject misery. As she starts walking his way, Chase’s knees begin to shake.

 

“Hi.”

 

* * *

 

“Mama’s going to miss you so much, you know that right? My little princess! Be good for Eiffel, okay?” Gert coos, giving her cat the biggest kiss on the cheek possible. After that, unfortunately, she has to put Old Lace back down on the ground and reached for her luggage- she really, really has to go.

 

“Thank you again, Eiffel. I’ll see you in a few days,” she says, giving her friend a quick hug before blowing one last kiss in Lace’s direction.

 

It’s always hard for her to say goodbye to Old Lace, and she didn’t know how she’ll get through this without her. Gert had adopted the grey cat when she first moved cross country to New York, and they’ve barely spent a day apart since their first night together Gert despises being away from her, but she knows a wedding isn’t a proper place for a cat to be, no matter how much she wishes it was. She’ll be in good hands with Eiffel. When Gert was looking for a roommate, she never imagined she’d end up with someone like Eiffel. They were exact opposites in almost every way possible, but they both have an extreme love for cats, and that was the determining factor. They ended up getting on pretty well, and, oddly enough, enjoyed each other’s company. It’s nice to live with someone who has no connection to her life back at home. Not to say she doesn’t love her best friends but...baggage. Pain. Never ending memories of _him_.

 

She’ll have to face all that baggage and pain head on this weekend, and she is in _no_ way ready for that. If the NYC weather is any indication, this “vacation” is about to be never-ending gloom- not that she wouldn’t have felt that way anyways, what with that certain someone at the very top of the guest list. It hasn’t stopped raining in days, and Gert is totally taking it as a sign of things to come. She is _not_ looking forward to this.

 

Is she glad her friends were finally getting married? Of course. She loves Karolina and Nico dearly, they’re her best friends and it was _about fucking time_ , but she’d be lying if she said she isn’t _extremely_ jealous. She’s lonely as hell, and she hasn’t been out on a date in god knows how long. Being in love just wasn’t in the cards for her anymore, it seems. It was, once. She had it good, then, too- it was a real, earthshaking kind of love that she could feel deep down in her very bones. But of course she had to go and fuck that up.

 

Gert wipes a tear from her eye, blaming it on having to leave Old Lace, but deep down she knew it was for another reason. A 5’9 brunette with golden eyes and strong arms shaped reason, to be precise.

 

She waits on the steps of her apartment building, hoping her ride would arrive soon. As much as she desperately wants to, she can _not_ miss this flight.

 

“Here goes nothing,” she whispers as she steps foot into her Lyft. She pops in her earbuds (despite how much she hated them- headphones> earbuds, every time) and stares out the window as her journey to the airport begins. Music always sets the tone for Gert, so she settles on an 80s playlist Molly had curated for her, hoping it will put her in a good mood.

 

She is going to make _sure_ that today is a good day.

 

Roughly five hours later, Gert arrives in Los Angeles, the city that remains the most painful for her out of every community, village, or township in the United States of America. It doesn’t matter how many years have gone by...it never gets easier being here. She stopped coming home for holidays some time ago because she couldn’t bare it. There’s no one else she’d suffer through this for other than Karolina and Nico.

 

Whipping out her phone, she sends Karolina a quick text, letting her know she was here. As heavy as her heart is right now, she knows she’d feel better once she sees her friends.

 

Standing at baggage claim, Gert mulls over how odd it is that she hasn’t replied yet. Karolina is a fast texter, especially when it comes to Gert. She decides to call her next, and, of course, she doesn’t answer. She is going to _kill_ Karolina. Gert is tired, anxious, and extremely hungry, and this is the treatment she gets? God, she shouldn’t have skipped breakfast this morning. To be fair, her stomach was in knots from the nerves (and still is). But she does wish she had eaten something.

 

She’d kill for a burger from In-N-Out right now, which is saying a lot, because she thinks they’re super overrated, and she’s _right._  Don’t even _bother_ fighting her on this.

 

“Finally!” Gert exclaims as she sees her luggage come down the conveyor. Maybe since Karolina’s taking her sweet old time getting here, she can go find a bite to eat real quick, that would be the _greatest._  She picks up her bags and turns to walk in the direction of the food court  and that’s when she stops dead in her tracks.

 

_HOLY. SHIT._

 

This isn’t happening to her.

 

Nope. Absolutely _not_.

 

She _must_ be dreaming.

 

There’s no way Chase Stein is standing directly in front of her. Looking right at her. His dumb, beautiful, dark brown eyes staring her down. She has to do everything in her power to not scream at the top of her lungs at that very second.

 

As always, he looks So. Damn. Good. His hair is messy in a Fancy way, just as it used to be, his scruff out in full force, with a dark wash jean jacket and black jeans on. He looks just as surprised, if not more, to see her.

 

“Fuck,” she mutters under her breath. Of course this is happening to her right now. Puffing out her chest, willing every bit of bravery in her body to show itself, Gert walks his way.

 

“Hi,” is all she can bare to say to him. She’s standing so close to him now that she can smell his cologne, which, unsurprisingly, hasn’t changed since everything ended. Chase never was a lover of change, and the smell of iIt, unfortunately, brings back memories she had repressed for so, so long. Good and bad ones.

 

For the first time in five years, Gert Yorkes and Chase Stein stand mere inches away from each other. Together again, for the first time since they- no. Since _she_ said goodbye.

 

* * *

 

“Hi Gert,” Chase says, acting like everything is perfectly normal. “Want me to take those?”

 

She stares, wide eyed for a second until she realizes he meant her bags. Ugh, he’s always been such a damn gentleman, even to those who don’t deserve it (AKA her). She hesitantly lets him take them, only because they _were_ getting pretty heavy.

 

She offers him a forced smile. “So I’m guessing you weren’t expecting me?”

 

Chase nods. “Not exactly. I was told I’d be picking Molly up.”

 

“Oh.” For some reason, hearing the confirmation hurts worse. “She’s not flying in until tomorrow. Late class, last I heard. Anyway, I was told you’d be Karolina.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Gert can feel the awkwardness growing like  particularly nasty tumor. God, she hates  _everything_ about this. She’s already thinking of ways to get back at Karolina and Nico.

 

“Are they trying to parent trap us or something?” she chokes out, hoping to break the tension. She hears him laugh, and when she looks back at him there it is: his dumb, perfect smile. The one that’s always made her heart pound, the one that made her fall in love with him in the first place. God, this is torture.

 

“Probably. They’re always up to something, aren’t they?”

 

“Yeah.” _That used to be us, getting everyone in trouble together,_ she wants to say. **_We_ ** _used to be like that._

 

She looks away from him again, the tears burning her eyes. It was so damn hard to be around him. It’s why she’d avoided it for so long. Her first therapy session back from this “vacation” sure would be a doozy.

 

“Hey, are you hungry? I haven’t eaten since, uh, I left London.”

 

She can tell that he’s nervous by the way he was picking at his fingernails- he always used to do that whenever he was feeling anxious. They make eye contact again, and it feels like getting stabbed in the chest with a _very_ sharp knife. She can’t even bare to meet his gaze. His eyes are no longer bright and full of wonder-- instead they’re almost lifeless, and filled with an unmeasurable kind of sadness.

 

God, she hates that _she’s_ the reason behind it. That’s probably the worst part of all of this.

 

“I’m starving.”

 

“In-N-Out? I know it’s your favorite post flight mea—” He clears his throat, looking away from her. “I mean, well, it’s just really close to the airport, so.”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” she replies. _It was not fine_ , says the narrator in Gert’s mind, loud and Arrested Development-esque. Oh, great. Now she’s hearing voices. That’s just what her day needs. Seeing her ex that she’s still in love with just wasn’t enough, was it?

 

* * *

 

Chase leads Gert to his rental car and puts her bags in the trunk. He still can’t believe any of this was actually happening, and literally doesn’t know whether to be elated, or horrified.

 

The drive to In-N-Out is nothing but silence. Chase decides to go through the drive thru, to hopefully make things less uncomfortable. Sitting right across from Gert in a public setting right now isn’t ideal, plus he already knows her order by heart.

 

Chase makes the executive decision to not go straight back to the reception center and instead parked in the In-N-Out lot. Gert started eating immediately, leaving Chase to wonder if she was even taking the time to breathe between bites.

 

“God, this is _so_ good,” she moans.

 

Chase blinks hard, putting in Maximum Effort to not have a reaction to the sound she just made. “Mhmmm.”

 

Chase watches as Gert sneaks a hand into his bag, stealing a fry.She used to do this all the time back when things were normal.

 

Gert catches him looking at her and shrugs. “Sorry. Muscle memory.”

 

“You’re fine, you can have all the fries you want,” Chase replies, handing her his bag.

 

* * *

 

Gert stares intently at Chase as she chews. She wishes she could see what he was thinking. He’s probably plotting his escape, or her murder, which was understandable. Since she was the one who destroyed things, she knows it’s her job to take the initiative and start talking, which she hasn’t ever been great at (see: dumping her fiancé with a note because she’s a coward) but it’s worth a shot.

 

“So, uh, how are things?” she asks, before shoving another handful of fries into her mouth. A lame attempt to make things less awkward before her brain explodes.

 

“They’re alright. Work’s great, London’s great,” he says.

 

“And you?”

 

Chase’s entire body tenses up. He lets out an exasperated sigh, swallowing the last bite of his burger. “I’ve been better. Just a lot of things going on personally.”

 

“I understand. Well, I hope it gets better.”

 

“Me too,” Chase looks at Gert and gives her a soft smile. “So...how’s life in New York?”

 

“They’re good. Everything’s good.”

 

“Good. I’m glad.”

 

* * *

 

Can this conversation end already? Like, _please_? Talking to Chase is like pulling teeth, and she’s already sick of it.

 

Gert looks at her phone and check the time. She has plans with her parents in two hours, and still had to go say hi to Karo and Nico.

 

“We should probably get going.”

 

Chase doesn’t respond, instead turning the key in the ignition and heading back onto the road. Gert bites her lip, refusing to cry in front of him right now.

 

They’re shadows of the people they used to be. It’s hard to believe that at one point, they were happy together. Back then, it was never ending laughter. Singing at the top of their lungs during long car rides. Cuddles under pile of blankets. Constant kisses, everywhere and anywhere. The best sex _ever_. Small glances that meant more than anything else. Surprise breakfast in bed and take out for dinner every Thursday. Loving each other fiercely and fearlessly.

 

All of that was a distant memory now. They were miles away from each other.

 

How did they end up like this? Struggling to keep a conversation going? Barely making eye contact? Not cracking jokes every five seconds?

 

 _Oh wait_.

 

For a moment, Gert forgot about everything that happened. How they fell apart so tragically and went their separate ways. The tears that run down her face are unmissable at this point, and she can only hope that Chase is too focused on the road to ask her what’s wrong. This was a conversation she didn’t want to have moments before seeing Karolina and Nico. because the more upset she got, the more likely _they’d_ ask her what’s was wrong, too. That’s was a can of worms she doesn’t ever want to open, because, truly, what _WASN’T_ wrong?

 

As she takes one last quick glance at Chase, she wonders if this has all been a bad nightmare. Maybe the two of them have been asleep for the past five years, and soon they’ll wake up and be in love again (pfft. As if she ever stopped). If she thinks hard enough, maybe she can will him back into her life. Life wasn’t a bunch of fairy tales, she’ll be the first to admit it, but there was once a time where she had her very own knight in shining armor. Another tear slips down her cheek as she thinks of that dumb pet name he used to call her. God, she can even remember the way he used to say it- _hey, Cinderella, what’s shakin’?_ She used to hate it, but Gert would probably kill to hear him call her that just one more time. Though, it turns out she wasn’t his princess; instead she was the villain in his story.

 

She focuses her attention out the passenger window, tears still flowing. Deep down, she doesn’t have to wait for someone to explain to her why they were this way. Gert doesn’t have to wonder how they got into this situation, because she did it to herself.

 

* * *

 

Twenty long minutes later, they pull into the reception hall parking lot, and both exit the vehicle without saying a word. They enter the hall separately, hoping this will go better than they both expected it to. Thankfully, Alex and Amy had shown up in the time it took them to get there. What a _godsend_. They had recently gotten engaged, which was exciting, but Chase felt like everyone was flaunting their happiness right in front of him. Other than Nico, Alex was his best friend in the entire world, and was more like a brother than a friend. Seeing him allows him to breathe for the first time since he saw Gert in the airport.

 

“Hey, bro.”

 

Alex looked up from the table he’s sitting at, currently messing with the same flower arrangements Karolina had been busy with earlier. His face lights up as soon as he sees Chase, and he practically knocks the table over when he stands up to hug him.

 

“BRO!!!!” Alex exclaims, pulling Chase into a big bear hug.

 

God, Chase had missed him _so_ much. Sometimes, not living in LA is the worst. He likes being far away from well, everything else, but not seeing his friends on a regular basis is hard to deal with. It took him a while to make friends in London, especially since he started out sans a roommate. When he first started therapy, his therapist had told him he should look into getting one, because being alone was doing him no good, so he put out a posting and quickly got an abundance of replies. The screening process was awful, because he was 1) afraid to let anyone in and 2) had high expectations of possible friends, but eventually he landed on his current roommate and new best “mate”, Victor Mancha. Victor was just the type of person he needed around- he’s bubbly, extremely funny, always in a good mood, and unlike any other person he had met in London. He’s also very, _very_ attractive, which is a total bonus.

 

Victor is an out and proud gay man, and his acceptance of his sexuality allowed Chase to come into his own as a bisexual man on his own terms. They regularly went to the gay bars on weekends and had attended Pride together for the past four years in a row. No, they are _not_ dating. Victor has a boyfriend who Chase adores. Had they made out a few times before Victor met said boyfriend? Possibly. But their friendship is more important to him than anything else. Victor had gotten Chase through some of the roughest nights of his life. Depression is no fucking joke, and having that kind of support around means the world to Chase.

 

Victor reminds Chase of Alex in so many ways, mostly because they’re both pure hearted and would do anything for the people they loved. He admires that in so many ways. Chase isn’t a lucky man for an assortment of reasons, but he knows he hit the jackpot when it came to his best friends.

 

“Missed you!” Chase exclaims, pulling away from their embrace.

 

“Missed you MORE!”

 

“That’s _impossible_ , bro.”

 

Nico rolls her eyes from across the room. “Are we sure this isn’t the Alex and Chase royal wedding event of the year?”

 

“Shut it Nico. I’m not in the mood for antics right now, especially _yours_ ,” Chase snaps back, glaring in her direction. Was that too harsh and forward, especially with Gert only a few feet away from him? He doesn’t really care, if it was.

 

“Fair enough.”

 

* * *

 

Gert stands awkwardly off to the side, not wanting to intrude, and knowing damn well she sticks out like a sore thumb. She feels like the elephant in the room. When the break up happened, her friendship with Alex suffered deeply. It was unfortunate, but she expected it. They were cordial,  but it wasn’t like it used to be. She can’t remember the last time they had a full blown conversation. She has to give it to Alex- he was a loyal best friend, but on the other hand, she misses him so much. When her and Chase were still together, they used to have movie nights all the time. Amy started coming once her and Alex started dating. Sometimes they’d switch it up and go to a drive-in instead of staying in but that never ended well, since Gert and Chase always ended up seeing more of each other’s tongues instead of the movie on the screen. They acted like horny teenagers well into their twenties. What could she say? Chase was a _very_ good kiss- _nope_. Not today. She was _not_ going there today.

 

“Nope what?” Karolina, who was now standing next to her, asks. _Oh_. Had she said that out loud? Whoops. Classic Gert.

 

“Sorry, nothing. Just thinking out loud, I guess.”

 

She feels Karolina touch her arm and has to do everything she can to not flinch. She’s angry at her, but being angry at Karolina is like being mad at the cutest puppy in the world. It feels like a mortal sin. When they were younger, they constantly butted heads. Most people thought they hated each other, but it was just how they communicated. As they got older, their differences became the best parts of their friendship. They brought out sides of each other that no one else ever could. For example, Karolina got Gert into working out, and Gert helped Karolina learn how to play guitar. It was the little things that brought them closer. They rarely ever fight, which is a damn miracle, and when they do, it never lasts long. This time, though...that might be a different story.

 

Karolina leans over, moving her hand from Gert’s arm to her lower back. “I’m really sorry. We shouldn’t have done that. You walked in here looking like you had just seen a _ghost.”_

 

“Yeah, you’re right. But it’s okay. At least I wore my waterproof mascara.” Damn it, why does Karolina make her so _soft?_  She’s now facing Karo, who promptly stuck out her bottom lip.

 

“Will you ever forgive me?” she pleads, clasping her hands together.

 

“Maybe so.” See? It’s hard for Gert to be mad at Karolina. Impossible, really. Maybe she’d take out her anger on Nico later, but she knows Chase will do enough of that for the both of them.

 

Speaking of Chase...he’s already on his way out of the reception hall again. Lucky bastard.

 

“Where’s he going?” Gert whispers in Karolina’s ear. She saw Karolina take a deliberate pause before she answers, which worried her. What’s being hidden from her? Does he have a new girlfriend? A dog? Or did he leave just because she’s there? Probably all three.

 

“He has uh, a family thing to tend to.”

 

Gert raises an eyebrow. What does _that_ mean?

 

“Hmm?”

 

“It’s not my place…” Karo replies, hesitant, and Gert only nods in reply.

 

Oh well. She’d get to the bottom of this _somehow_. Secrets always came to light eventually. She can’t help but wonder what family member was in trouble. Chase is an only child, and his dad had died when they were all in high school. Victor Stein was a piece of shit abuser who got himself killed, so he wasn’t missed by many. Gert was there for Chase throughout the entire grieving process, and practically moved into his bedroom during the months following Victor’s funeral. Her parents hadn’t minded, because they knew it was needed, and they adored Janet, Chase’s mother, so they were glad that Gert was there to support her as well. Janet Stein is the fucking best. Even after Gert and Chase had split, Janet stayed in contact with her. She sends her birthday cards every year and calls her on holidays. She was like her second mom. Janet and Chase have a very special relationship that Gert had always admired. Sure, Gert is close with her parents, but their bond could never compare to that of Janet and Chase’s. Chase once had two important girls in his life: Gert and Janet.

 

 _She hates that she was the reason he lost_ —Gert was pulled from her train of thought when she realized Karolina was waving stringed lights in front of her face, trying to get her attention.

 

“Sorry,” she says, shaking her head, “Guess I got carried away in my own mind.”

 

“It’s fine, I guess. Wanna help me put up these lights?”

 

 _No_ . _I want to head up to my hotel room and cry._ “Of course.”

 

At least this will distract her from every Chase related thought in her mind.

 

_For now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An endless thank you to Emma who beta-d the shit out of this chapter!!!!! I love you forever!!!!!


	3. Transatlanticism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie

_The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your_  
 _Door have been silenced forevermore_  
 _And the distance is quite simply much to far for me to row;_ _  
_It seems farther than ever before

 

* * *

 

It’s a few hours later, now, and Gert is sitting in her hotel room, trying to unpack the day’s events before she’s faced with even more awkwardness. The group (sans Molly) is meeting for dinner at Karolina and Nico’s at 6, and currently it feels like her insides are going to fall out. The idea of seeing Chase more than once today? Not ideal.

 

She’s also not sure if this is a fancy dinner or just casual, and as such, has  _no_ clue what to wear. Her anxiety is totally getting the best of her, with the overthinking, and the stress, but she doesn’t know how to make it stop. If she’s this nervous over a little get together, what will the rest of the weekend look like for her? When her and Chase were still together and much younger, the prospects of Karolina and Nico’s wedding excited her, because it’d be so much fun to be in a wedding with her future husband. Instead, she’s ended up the maid of honor in a wedding where everyone will be looking at her and her ex-fiancé walk down the aisle together.

 

Is this a nightmare?  _Absolutely_. Does she have to face it head on without being able to back out? Unfortunately. Was she ready?  _No_.

 

It’s 4:30 now, and she has less than two hours to calm herself down and look presentable. She has to figure out how to make her dread less apparent--Gert is well trained in pretending everything is okay when it’s not, so this shouldn’t be _too_ hard for her.

 

She takes a quick shower because she doesn’t have much time, and she’s usually late, so she wants to prove a point this time. Somehow she manages to blow dry her hair and pick out her outfit at the same time--multitasking queen! Gert opts for a long black spaghetti strapped dress paired with a grey plaid blazer and white sneakers, so she looks like she’s trying too hard without actually trying too hard. She leaves her hair down and applies the most minimal amount of makeup. It’s not like she has anyone to impress,  _right_?

 

Gert rolls her eyes, looking at herself in the full length mirror. She’s the worst liar in the world. Anyway, she thinks she looks cute and presentable. She grabs her purse and pulls out her phone to get a Lyft ready. It’s 5:10, so she’s already doing good on time. Her Lyft driver Pat will be here in 10 minutes.

 

God, it feels like she can actually breathe for the first time all day. Maybe things won’t be so bad after all.

 

That is, until, she collides with someone in the hallway. And not just  _any_ someone. Yep, she just incidentally fell into the arms of a certain brown haired, brown eyed, buff and handsome boy who she knows too well. He’s clutching her back, probably just out of sheer instinct, but his hands are on her and she’s  _dying._

 

_You’ve got to be kidding me,_ she thinks to herself. He’s touching her arm now, and he’s probably talking to her but she can’t think straight because Chase’s hands are on her and this is the first time they’ve made physical contact in years.

 

“Sorry about that,” she hears him say, finally coming back down to earth. She offers him a smile, his hand still lingering on her lower back. She might explode soon.

 

“No worries. Are you staying here too?”

 

He nods. “Yeah, just heading back to my room real quick before I head over for dinner. Do you need a ride?”

 

She’s doing everything in her power to not react to that in the way she wishes she could.  _Get your mind out of the gutter, Gertrude._

 

“You sure you don’t mind?”

 

“Of course not. It’ll only take me a minute or two, I just need to change.”  _And I have to cancel my Lyft._

 

Damn--he must be handling this situation a lot better than her- or maybe he’s just a better actor. Either way, she’s following him to his hotel room now, and she’s glad she didn’t wear that much makeup now because she’s sweating like crazy. Why does it feel like a boy just invited her over for the first time? Like that one time she was allowed to break curfew so she could stay over at Chase’s house to watch a movie on a Friday night—they were only 9 and her parents let her go because they knew Victor had left after a horrible fight had broken out the night before. Much of their childhood consisted of times just like this. She was always there to pick him up when he was down and vise versa. Sometimes she wished they could go back to being best friends with no strings attached, but...no.

 

Deep down she knew things between them were never that simple, even when they were young, but a girl could dream.

 

* * *

 

He can’t believe this is happening. The universe is playing tricks on him, he  _knows_ it.

 

Gert’s staying in the same hotel as him, right down the hall from him, and she’s currently sitting on his bed. And she looks so unbelievably hot. So hot it’s not fair, so hot it shouldn’t be legal. Her arms are crossed, eyes on her phone, and he can’t forget to mention there’s a slit in her dress that exposes just the right amount of her leg. He. Is.  _Dying._

 

Normally he would scold himself for thinking this--thinking about  _Gert_ , but she’s right in front of him and the last few hours have been hell, so he’s letting himself indulge in these thoughts. Treat Yo Self.

 

They haven’t really spoken, but it’s nice. Nice to just exist with each other again. It reminds him of when Chase would take the longest to get ready and she’d be waiting for him for hours. The real reason he took so long was because she was so damn distracting and they’d make out in between Chase putting on his shirt and putting on his pants, and eventually he’d have to put both back on because they’d end up on the floor before they left.

 

Reaching into his suitcase, he pulls out a white sweater and some jeans. Truthfully, he wanted to wear sweatpants, but he knew Nico would kill him if he did. He turns around, his back now facing Gert, and takes off his shirt. It’s not like she hasn’t seen him naked before, right? He hears her let out a squeak almost immediately.

 

So she  _is_ staring at him. Okay, noted.

 

“You okay?” he asks, knowing she’s definitely not. Serves her right.

 

“Yep! I’m going to use the bathroom real quick!” He watches as she scurries away, slamming the bathroom door shut. He can’t help but laugh quietly to himself. This _could_ be fun. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or how lost he’s feeling currently, but he’s secretly enjoying himself. Feeling relatively sane around Gert? Sounds fake, but okay.

 

“You can come out now, I’m ready to go!” He yells in the direction of the bathroom as he tousles with his hair. Gert exits a few seconds later, cheeks still flushed. She can’t make eye contact with him, which he’s  _loving_. A frazzled Gert is the best kind of Gert. Besides, you know, the Gert that still loved him.

 

He leads her to the door and lets her walk out first, because he’s a gentleman and a person with overall good manners. They walk to the elevator together, Chase treading behind her, and once they enter they stand in silence as it begins to go down. He wants to talk, truly, he does, but he can’t come up with anything to say. How do you make casual conversation with the person who tore your heart apart?  _“Hey, how are you? My life’s in shambles because you ruined my life and nothing good has happened to me since?”_ Not exactly the best icebreaker.

 

Thankfully he doesn’t have to think about this for much longer- at least right now, anyway- because suddenly the elevator doors open and they’re heading towards the front lobby. Ah, here they go again, back to his rental car, where they barely talked before. Remember when he said this might be fun? He forgot more awkward car rides were in their future. Maybe he spoke too soon. Or maybe he was just nervous, which isn’t something Chase is used to.

 

Way back when, she was the only one he could be himself around and know she wouldn’t judge him. He felt uneasy around everyone  _but_ her. Even before they got together, she was the only one who could get him to let down his walls. When she left, it didn’t take long for him to build them back up again.

 

Now he resides in his castle for the emotionally cut off that only the wise and brave can try and get through. And ‘try’ rarely means ‘succeed’.

 

* * *

 

After what seems to be the longest car ride of their lives, they finally pull into Karolina and Nico’s driveway. They walk in together, which they  _probably_ should have thought through, because they were bombarded with questions from the “Get Gert and Chase Back Together Brigade” almost instantly. Really, they get it. The fact that they ended up staying at the same hotel by coincidence sounds like a huge lie, but it’s the truth. Let’s be honest: only Gert and Chase would get themselves into this situation. They had nothing to hide.

 

“So, you’re telling me, you’re staying at the same hotel? By accident?” Alex asks, pursing his lips. They were sitting on the couch together with Nico while Karolina and Gert poked around in the kitchen with Amy.

 

“For the one hundredth time,  _yes_ , Alex,” Chase says exasperatingly. He wants this to be over.  _Now_. He was sure Alex was frantically thinking about ways to get Chase out of this situation, but it was a moot point. He didn’t need to be spending time and money switching hotels, considering the news he got earlier. His life was in shambles and it was only going to get worse. At least he had this potentially disastrous dinner to distract him momentarily.

 

“You could come stay with us, Chase,” Alex suggests. “I don’t think Amy would mind.”

 

“Guys, I’m fine. It’s  _fine_. We’re staying in the same hotel, not the same room. Chill out.”

 

Chase is  _sick_ of them being so protective. He’s not some fragile person; he could handle things like this on his own. Yeah, the first few years post Gert were horrible, and yeah, he’s still a mess, but he’s a grown man who could deal with his own baggage. He loves his friends dearly, but he wishes they could understand that.

 

“Also, I don’t feel like listening to you and Amy having sex all night long.”

 

“Fair point.”

 

Nico made a gagging noise. “Gross. I’m going to go set the table.” She leapt off the couch and grabbed for Chase’s arm. “And  _you’re_ coming with me.”

 

She lifted him up, proving to be stronger than she looks, and tugged him along into the dining room. “Ugh, mom,  _why_?!”

 

“Deal with it.” Nico snickers, handing him some plates to set out. “Anyway, are you sure you’re alright?”

 

“Did you bring me in here to interrogate me?”

 

Nico scoffs, sticking out her tongue. “What would give you that idea?”

 

“I’m fine, Nico. Really. Also, weren’t you and Karolina the ones who forced Gert and I into a reunion a few hours ago?”

 

“Oh, uh. I don’t mean with Gert. How was your…,” she says, lowering her voice, “...appointment?”

 

Oh.  _That_.

 

“Can we talk about it later? I’m sorry I just...I want to enjoy the night as much as I can,” he says, setting another plate down on the table a little too aggressively. He had forgotten about what had happened earlier, so the reminder set him off a bit. “Yeah, sorry. Will you put the utensils out too?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

In all honesty, he wishes he could chuck a plate in his own direction. Or a fork. He’s not picky. Just something to get him out of this house and into his bed.

 

* * *

 

Gert’s perched up on one of the stools next to the island in the kitchen, watching Karolina put the finishing touches on dinner. They were having pasta and salad with pie afterwards, with plenty of alcohol to go along with it. Gert was already knee deep in a glass of wine.

 

“Taste the sauce one more time, will you? I want to make sure it’s perfect,” Karolina hands Gert a spoon with a bit of sauce on the top. She licks it and feels like she’s instantly been transported to heaven. Her eyes roll back as she lets out a moan. “Can I have the whole bowl?”

 

“Oh sweetie, I’d never let you do that, but I take that as a compliment.”

 

“That sauce is so good it’s almost  _sexual_.”

 

Karolina spins around, and does a little curtsy before leaning over to give Gert a small kiss on the cheek. “Thanks angel. Help me bring everything in?”

 

“Do I haaaaaaave to? I’m so comfy here…” Gert pouts.

 

“I’ll let you have an extra piece of pie.”

 

Gert shoots up instantly and grabbed the salad bowl. She’d never say no to anything if it meant she got pie in return.

 

* * *

 

Gert and Chase both felt out of place at dinner. Sure, they both loved their friends dearly, but their relationships were a glaring “oh look you’re single and forever alone” reminder for them. Also, Alex kept glaring at Gert and she wanted to reach over the table and smack him. Ugh,  _men_.

 

At least the food was delicious—Karolina had turned into quite the chef. Growing up, she couldn’t even make popcorn without burning it, but she was the type to try and try at something until she got it right. She’s always persevering to be better and Gert loves that about her.

 

Of course, Gert and Chase ended up sitting across from one another. They were sneaking glances every few minutes, though neither of them would admit that. Dinner itself was fine; they kept talking about life, future trips, all that. But Gert could tell something was wrong with Chase. He was barely engaging in conversation, kept looking off in the distance (when he wasn’t looking at her), and hadn’t eaten much.  _What was going on with him?_

 

After everyone was done, Chase quickly excused himself so he could go use the bathroom. Gert’s three glasses of wine in and she’s currently sipping on her fourth. She’s tipsy and she’s lonely, which is never a good combination. Everyone else is in the kitchen washing dishes and being lovey dovey and all that bullshit, so she left them because well, she finds that mean.

 

So, instead, she’s making her way through the house looking for Chase, who was still MIA. Apparently she’s in the mood for chaos tonight, and she’s also her ride back to the hotel, so she kind of needs to find him. She’s ready to go back now so she can sleep.

 

She peeks her head into every room, around every corner, and Chase is nowhere to be found. Maybe he did sneak away, which she can’t blame him for doing. She all but runs up the stairs and heads towards the back of the house, to what she thinks is one of the guest bedrooms. Noticing the door is creaked open just a tiny bit, she pushes it open, and yep, there he is. Standing (more like sulking) on the balcony attached to the room. He must hear her enter, because he turns around and offers her a smile while she’s walking his way.

 

“Care if I join you?” she says, holding up her glass of wine. He nods, doing the same with his whiskey.

 

“I’m all yours.”

 

She stands next to him, leaning a bit over the edge of the balcony. It’s a beautiful night outside. Not too warm, not too cold. The sky is clear, the stars are visible, and the moon is shining bright above them. It’s reminiscent of their simpler times--when they used to drive to their designated spot in the Hollywood hills to stargaze. She wonders if he’s thinking the same thing.

 

She pauses to take a better look at him and she can tell he’s been crying. Like,  _really_ crying. His face is so obviously tear stained. She wants to ask him what’s wrong, but she doesn’t know if she should. Is it really her place? What if she just makes things worse? What if  _she’s_ the reason he’s crying? She knows the ‘You left me one morning and never came back’ conversation is inevitable, but she doesn’t know if she can handle that right now. Also, she’s drunk. Definitely drunk. Her glass of wine is empty and she’s feeling it now, which in turn is exactly why she decides to speak up. Liquid courage is powerful.

 

“Hey, is everything okay?” she asks, touching his arm without even thinking first. Gert can’t decide if she’s being stupid right now but she’s too clouded with wine brain to care. She hears him sniffle before he turns to face her. His eyes are bloodshot.  _Oh, god._

 

He’s looking right at her but she can’t see him in the way she used to. He’s right there but he’s so far away. She used to be able to read Chase without fail. She could see in him, all of him, and know his every thought like some kind of telepathy. But now, everything is empty. They’re so broken. They’ve fallen eerily silent, but Chase hasn’t stopped staring at Gert. He’s still looking at her as if he’s searching for the right words to say.

 

“You know how if you say things out loud, sometimes that makes things more real?” he asks, breaking the silence. She nods in response.

 

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay. Really.”

 

He takes a sharp breath in before he says it. The three words Gert wishes she never had to hear. From him or anyone.  _Ever_.

 

“It’s my mom,” he confesses through gritted teeth. The tone in his voice tears at her heart. Anger, sadness, and despair all in mixed into one grief filled cocktail. On instinct, she reaches for his hand. Surprisingly, he doesn’t flinch at her touch. Instead he leans into it, seemingly gripping onto her fingers for dear life.

 

“She’s sick. Has been for awhile,” he explains. “She hid it from me for as long as she could, wanted to shield me from the initial shock and pain, like always. I just found out last month. It’s cancer. She sold the house, moved in with my aunt, and it’s bad. It’s  _so_ bad Gert.”

 

His voice cracks when he says Gert’s name.

 

“She has months to live. Months. Her and my aunt been vacationing, doing fun things while she still can, and all that. She doesn’t want this to be a miserable experience, she claims. Says too much of her life was stolen from her by my dad, so she doesn’t want to let this disease take anymore from her too. But I don’t know how to cope with that. I don’t want to know a world without her.”

 

He takes a swig of his drink before continuing. “I’ve lost too much already.”

 

Chase goes silent after that, probably knowing he struck a chord. Deservingly so. He shouldn’t regret saying it, because it’s true. Gert’s own selfishness played a part in his loss. She deserves  _all_ the hard truths thrown at her.

 

“Chase I--I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She doesn’t know what else to say. He takes another sip and shakes his head.

 

“No, no. I didn’t mean to dump this all on you. We can go back to the group now.” He grabs his drink and gets up to leave, letting go of her hand. The sudden break in contact makes her sadder than she’d like to admit.

 

“Chase wait,” she says, swiftly taking hold of his arm. “I didn’t come up here to get you. I came to  _find_ you. On  _my_ own.”

 

He looks at her questioningly. “Why?”

 

“Just wanted to make sure you were all right. I thought something might be off.”

 

Gert sits down on the bench on the balcony. She can’t decide if her lightheadedness is due to the alcohol swirling around in her body, or because of the situation at hand. She pats at the space next to her, hoping he’ll join her. God, what the utter  _fuck_ is she doing? What alternate universe had she entered? To her own surprise, he obliges and plops down next to her. The wind blows and she can smell his cologne mixed with whiskey. She definitely needs a glass of that sooner than later tonight, especially since the butterflies in her stomach keep intensifying with each second that goes by.

 

This is the weirdest night of her life--scratch that--the weirdest  _day_ of her life.

 

“I’m here if you need someone to talk to,” she says, regretting it almost instantly. She had a lot of nerve pretending like that they were friends or even acquaintances. Why would he want to  _talk_ to her, let alone  _breathe_ in her direction? They were practically strangers.

 

Of course, he doesn’t respond, which doesn’t shock Gert. But what happens next completely floors her.

 

Chase is now  _sobbing_. Head in his hands, gasping for air, full on body shaking sobs. Gert’s out of her element--she doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what’s deemed appropriate and inappropriate, what would cross boundaries and such. Clearly, she isn’t good at dealing with her own feelings herself. She prefers to ignore them, despite what her therapist suggested. But this is a dire situation, involving someone she used to know inside and out, someone who used to (and still does) have her whole heart.

 

“Hey, hey, come here,” she whispers, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. Things stay like that for a moment before Chase begins to collapse into her embrace. Gert feels helpless and hates herself for it--it’s all she can do not to break down herself. Nothing hurts more than seeing Chase like this, which she knows is especially fresh coming from her, but that’s why she did what she did in the first place. She didn’t want to stand witness to his downfall...which was so incredibly selfish. Clearly, what’s happening right now was her karma. He’s gripping onto her body so hard she’s sure he’s going to leave a mark and his tears are soaking her blazer.

 

“Shh, shh,” she murmurs, mindlessly rubbing circles on his back. “I’m right here, okay?”

 

Gert feels him nod slightly, managing to tighten his grip. She could barely breathe now, but she doesn’t dare move him. His tears didn’t seem to be slowing down any time soon. At this point, she wasn’t sure if he was crying for his mother, for her, or for both.

 

* * *

 

Chase’s world feels like it’s falling apart more with each second that passes by. He’s a strong man, but he doesn’t know how much more he can take. He can’t lose his mother--it’s not fair. He loves her so much. That should be enough to save her but he knows it’s not, he knows this is out of his hands, out of his reach, and that kills him. Every piece of him hurts,  _but…_

 

For the first time in ages, he feels like he can breathe....because she’s holding him.

 

He’s in Gert’s arms, and he feels safe. He feels invincible, like nothing could go wrong right now. Nothing else matters because she’s got him.

 

She’s stroking his hair, calming him down. Reminding him to breathe in, breathe out. Whispering comforting words into his ear.

 

She’s just  _there_ for him. Plain and simple. She’s  _present_ and she’s with him. He can feel her breathing. Her heart is beating  _so_ fast. She smells like lavender and heaven.

 

It’s a momentary retreat from reality, but it’s enough.

 

* * *

 

Things finally get quiet around twenty minutes later. Chase now rests his head on Gert’s lap, her fingers running through his hair. His eyes are closed and his breaths are a little raspy from all the crying. Gert can tell he’s comfortable, and honestly, she is, too. Everything is hazy, and it’s not because of the alcohol. Nothing seems real. It’s like they had entered a dream state.

 

She figures it’s late, and they should get up before someone catches them like this. That’s a conversation she’s not in the mood for, and it’s also one Chase doesn’t need to deal with right now. Too bad she doesn’t want to move. She’s enjoying this more than she should.

 

Gert just...she  _misses_ him.  _So_ much. She hates to admit that but it’s true. She misses him every minute of every day. Longs for his touch, his kiss, the way he loved her. How he made her feel on the days she didn’t feel like living. When he gave her a reason to exist. How he’d always wipe her tears when she cried. Gert wants nothing more than to sit here with Chase and comfort him--but that’s not their life anymore. They aren’t Gert and Chase anymore. And that’s all on her.

 

She knows this moment is temporary. Tomorrow, they’ll go back to being nothing. They won’t speak of tonight. She’ll go back to feeling endless guilt and self hatred, wishing she could go back in time and change the last five years, just like she always does, because that’s her life now. Thinking of the way it should be, living in the past, not recognizing the person she sees in the mirror. She’ll wake up in the middle of the night, not able to differentiate her dreams from reality.

 

Gert doesn’t realize how deep in thought she is until she notices Chase isn’t in her lap anymore; instead he’s sitting up right and looking at her. He seems puzzled. “Gert? You okay?”

 

“Who, me?” Gert says, obviously flustered. She can feel her cheeks getting red. As always, Chase is more worried about someone else than himself. He’s always been like that. So selfless and kind, it makes her heart hurt. He never took the time to care for himself because he was always distracted by something or someone else. His mother is dying and he’s asking if his ex-fiancee is okay. Who  _does_ that?

 

“Deep in thought, huh?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Chase clears his throat and gets up from the bench, fixing his sweater. “We should probably get a Lyft back to the hotel. I think we both had a little too much to drink.” He’s leaning against the doorway now, as if he’s waiting for her, and she wishes she could just kiss him like she used to--without reservation or fear, because she knew he’d kiss her back the same way. The thought hurts.

 

“Agreed,” Gert replies. She gets her things and starts to follow him out of the room.

 

They’re almost halfway down the hallway when he stops in his tracks. He turns to face her and before she can say something, he pulls her in for a hug, his arms enveloping her. She’s stunned at first, doesn’t know how to react, but quickly returns the favor. Now her arms are resting around his waist, her face buried into his chest. She can feel his heartbeat. He’s stroking her hair now, his head perched on top of her own. His body is so warm, and she can’t help but take in his scent.

 

She feels like she’s home.

 

But just like everything else, it’s over before she can process it. He lets go and begins to walk down the stairs, as if nothing just happened. Chase had already gotten a Lyft and they were on their way. They said goodbye to everyone just as their ride pulled up, rushing out the door so no one could question their actions.

 

The car ride back to the hotel is met with silence from both parties. They don’t say a word, besides a short ‘hello’ to their driver. Gert stares out the window at the moon, forcing her tears to stay at bay. She wonders if Chase is doing the same.

 

They arrive at the hotel and enter the elevator, standing on opposing sides. Chase is playing with his hands as Gert stares straight ahead, avoiding eye contact. They exit the elevator separately, and go back to their rooms without saying goodnight.

 

* * *

 

Chase feels numb.

 

He’s sitting in his hotel bed with the TV on and he has a glass of wine in hand. Yes, he loves wine--what about it? He keeps trying to distract himself, because all he wants to do right now is get up and go to Gert’s room. What happened tonight felt unreal for a multitude of reasons, but all he can think about is her. And his mom. Also Gert’s perfume, which he can still smell, mixed with the scent of her shampoo. Oh, and the way Gert’s legs looked in that dress.

 

He knows going to her room is a bad idea. Yeah, he  _might_ be drunk, and yeah, his perpetual state of mind isn’t exactly clear right now, but he’s well aware of what going to Gert’s room might entail. His one functioning brain cell is the only thing standing between him and what would surely be a disaster.

 

Picking up his phone, he searches for her contact and presses ‘call’. He never deleted her number and hopes, a little belatedly, that she never changed it, because if she did this is going to be quite embarrassing.

 

Thankfully it  _is_ her number and  _someone_ must be on his side for the first time today, because she doesn’t pick up.  _Perfect._  He leaves a voicemail instead.

 

After that, he's satisfied, and drifts off to sleep soon after, thoughts of a purple haired girl roaming around in his mind.

 

* * *

 

Gert wakes the next morning with a nasty hangover and a need for breakfast, pronto. She shouldn’t have had all that wine. Wine hangovers are the  _worst,_ and she has a lot to do today, considering Karolina and Nico’s joint bachelorette party is tonight, if you could even call it that. They’re going out to the clubs instead of staying in and having some “lame” party, in Nico’s words. Gert knows they’re going to have a ton of fun (despite Chase’s looming presence), but she’ll be a total party pooper if she doesn’t get this headache under control.

 

She’s now on the phone with room service, ordering almost every breakfast item on the menu, because YOLO. She’s on vacation, she can do whatever she wants.

 

Gert claps in excitement, literally, when she hears a knock on her door and gasps a little when she sees the full tray of food. God, she loves breakfast food. So much. And there’s  _so much_ in front of her. Did she go overboard? Probably. Oh well, who cares? It’ll be perfect hangover food for tomorrow, because lord knows she’ll have one.

 

By the time she’s knee deep in her bacon and eggs, she decides to look at her actual phone, nearly choking when she sees she has a voicemail. And not just  _any_ voicemail.

 

A voicemail from one Chase Stein.

 

Gert’s holding her phone in one hand and a glass of orange juice in another. She plays the voicemail right away, because  _duh, what else would she do?_. She couldn’t start eating her waffles without knowing what Chase had to say. She notices immediately that his speech is slurred, so he must have been drinking, but somehow she can still understand him.

 

_“Hi Gerrrrrt…_

 

_You must be asleep already, which is surprising because you were always the night owl and I was always the first to pass out! Instead I’m still drinking and watching bad infomercials._

 

_I guess today was exhausting, huh?_

 

_Anyway……._

 

_I just called to say thank you for tonight. Thank you for being there and for holding me. I really needed that._

 

_Well, uh, yeah. There’s so much more I want to say but I won’t do it in a voicemail…..so….._

 

_See you tomorrow. I hope it’s better than today._

 

_Bye.”_

* * *

 

_I need you so much closer_   
_So come on_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to my beautiful betas: Emma, Alessia, and Lauren I love you!!!!
> 
> ALSO I'm Mindy/@gertschase on Twitter so come say hi and yell at me for this pain!


	4. Kiwi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from Kiwi by Harry Styles

_When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus_ __  
_In a black dress, she's such an actress_ _  
_ _Driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it_

 

* * *

 

Chase wakes up that morning not remembering much of the night before. He knows he and Gert had several moments along with a ton of drinks, but everything else is a blur. You know, besides the fact that he called her in the middle of the night and left a voicemail that he’s sure took her by surprise. He has a hangover and an aching heart, but he’s pushing through it for Nico. They’re meeting for coffee and he knows she’s gonna kill him if he doesn’t show.

 

It’s not that Nico isn’t supportive of him and Gert getting back together--she’s practically running the campaign. But he knows she won’t like to hear of him making the first “move” while drunk off hotel wine. He knows it was stupid, but he’s also too scared to do it any other way. Also, his mom is dying and he’s not in the right mindset at the moment. So sue him.

 

His Lyft pulls up to the small cafe they agreed to meet up at (because clearly he left his rental at Nico’s last night) and sees Nico sitting at a table, coffee in hand. He notices there’s another cup on the table, so she must’ve already gotten his. Score.

 

Nico waves him over and leaps out of her chair once he gets close enough and gives him a big bear hug.

 

“You’re looking rough.”

 

“Good morning to you, Nico,” he laughs, sitting down in the chair next to hers. “Had a little too much to drink last night.” _Understatement of the year._

 

“Well I hope you’re ready to bounce back from that before tonight,” Nico says, taking a sip of her drink. Chase can’t help but notice how cool she looks doing so and he wonders how he ended up being best friends with someone like Nico. She oozes so much confidence and swagger. Chase wishes he still had that.

 

“I will be, it should be a fun night.”

 

“You sound real excited, bud.”

 

“Sorry I’m just…” Chase motions around his head. “Not all there right now.”

 

Nico reaches over and takes his hand, giving him a sympathetic look. Chase knew she was about to ask about his mom, and he totally wasn’t ready for it. Yeah, he might’ve talked about her at length last night, but he wasn’t sober and that lessened the blow a bit. Chase knew it’s not somethingit  to be proud of, but it just hurt so much. He tries avoiding her gaze, but she makes it near impossible. She’s practically drilling a hole in his forehead.

 

“It’s bad Nico,” he confesses. He’s still not looking at her--he knows she’s crying. Nico crying is the _worst_.

 

“Chase I’m so sorry. We’re all here for you, you know that, don’t you?” He nods in reply, his eyes locked down on his cup of coffee. He wishes he could disappear.

 

They sit there in silence for a while, Nico’s hand still grasping his own. He hates feeling this way, hates knowing these small moments with his friends that he never gets to see are being tarnished because he has the worst luck _ever._ Why weren’t things ever easy for him? Why was it always one thing after the other?

 

“We can go, if you want.”

 

Chase shakes his head. “Absolutely not. I want to spend time with you, Nico. I can’t let this ruin the whole weekend. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life!”

 

“I just don’t like to see you upset, Chase,” she urges. “It’s not fun to see your best friend in peril.”

 

“You’re getting _married_.”

 

“Yeah, and?” Nico remarks. “It might be ‘my’ special day, but you’re a part of that.”

 

Chase gulps. “You might think differently about that when you find out I drunk called Gert last night.” He watches her choke on her coffee, nearly spitting it the remnants on him. _Oops_.

 

“You did WHAT?!” Nico exclaims, slapping his arm a little _too_ hard.

 

“We talked last night. I told her about my mom and...things escalated. I kind of, uh- I was really upset. She hugged me, and it was- it was _really_ nice, Nico.  So when I got back to my room, I called to say thank you. While wasted.”

 

“Oh. That’s not juicy at all. You’re so lame,” she scoffs. “So _that’s_ what you were doing up there? Phew.”

 

 _Uh, yeah?_ He raises an eyebrow, holding up his index finger. What else would they have been doing? They couldn’t have thought they were… “Wait, wait, _wait_. Did you think we were having sex?”

 

“Mhm. We were placing bets.”

 

“And who won?!”

 

“Karolina.”

 

“So much for having faith in me, wow,” he scoffs. Nico sticks her tongue out at him.

 

“I can’t help that you’re always so horny,” she retorts.

 

“I resent that statement.”

 

“Okay, _Gertrude_.”

 

Chase rolls his eyes, but he’s secretly loving this. Nico’s teasing is exactly what he needs right now. His heart feels so warm, which admittedly is a rarity for him these days. Maybe living so far away from home _was_ making things worse for him. His therapist regularly tells him she believes he’s never truly gotten over Gert because he fled the country, which is fair, but also...there’s just no getting over Gert. It’s just not possible. He does think his therapist is right about the fleeing, though. He always runs away from his feelings, instead of facing them head on because it’s easier. But in the end, that always bites him in the ass.

 

He misses home, sometimes. Misses his mom, misses his friends.

 

Misses loving Gert in this city.

 

Misses everything they had here.

 

Truthfully, he just misses _her_.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s late in the afternoon, and Gert is standing at LAX with her mom. She wasn’t expecting to see much of her parents this trip; that’s why she met up with them for a hot second yesterday. That was supposed to be it. But then she was made aware of the fact that she stupidly hadn’t gotten a rental for the weekend. So there she is, with her mother, just so she can see Molly.

 

Gert’s relationship with her parents isn’t the best. Her and Dale were always at odds, and Stacey was always closer with Molly, which was fine. But Gert never seemed to get Stacey’s attention when she needed it most. That’s why Gert is so close with Janet. Janet was there for her in ways Stacey never could have been. Which makes everything happening right now even harder.

 

Thankfully her dad is at work, so he isn’t there with them. Dale is extremely hard on her, and she isn’t in the mood for another fight. They’ve _never_ gotten along. He always says she’s not doing enough, isn’t successful enough, and resents her for moving to New York. Whatever.

 

She’s so excited to see Molly. It’s been so long since she’s hugged her sister and she _desperately_ needs a Molly hug. Dale and Stacey adopted Molly when she was very young, and she was always the favorite. Gert never resented her for that though, because she’s _Molly_ . She’s the greatest person alive and should be _everyone’s_ favorite.

 

Her and Molly are closer than most normal sisters are, and they always will be. Molly got the golden child treatment from Dale and Stacey, but she’s remained adamant that Gert was more of a parent to her, and she takes that to heart. Also, she’s especially excited to see Molly this time, because she’s bringing her girlfriend with her. Yes, her girlfriend. Her sister is happily in love with a beautiful girl named Klara and they had yet to meet. Gert is so ready to get to know the girl who had swooped in and stole her sister’s heart.

 

She’d be lying if she said she isn’t jealous, though. Jealous of another girl getting Molly’s attention, and jealous of well, non-single people.

 

“There she is,” Stacey mutters. Gert looks up from her phone and sees her sister coming her way, toothy grin in full force. She starts running towards Molly, arms waving around in the air. As the gap between them closes, Molly practically jumps into Gert’s arms and wraps her legs around her waist, knocking Gert back a bit. Yeah, Molly _might_ be unbelievably strong, but Gert’s still able to carry her somehow. Can you tell they missed each other?

 

“FINALLY!!!” she exclaims, squeezing Gert so tightly her ribs might crack, her head tucked into Gert’s shoulder. Molly gives _the_ best hugs. This might be curing her hangover for good.

 

“Missed you,” Gert says, giving her sister a big kiss on the cheek.

 

“Missed you more!”

 

They hold each other for a while longer until Molly releases herself from Gert’s embrace. She skips over to Klara and intertwines their hands, beaming. “You have someone to meet! Gert, meet Klara. Klara, meet Gert!”

 

Gert extends a hand, but instead is met with a hug. “It’s so nice to finally meet the infamous Gertrude!” Klara exclaims. Gert can’t help but be a little distracted. Not to steal her sister’s girl, but holy shit, she’s _hot_ . She can feel Klara’s abs and her arms are totally buff. What the **_fuck_ ** , Molls.

 

“It’s nice to meet you too!” Gert’s palms are sweating, what the fuck. She sees hot girls every day, and Klara is her sister’s _girlfriend_ . This chaotic bisexual behavior is out of control. She really needs to calm down-- _scratch that_ \--she really needs to get laid, _stat_.

 

“I’m so happy!!! My two favorite girls!” Molly squeals, and before Gert knows it, Molly is piling herself into the hug. Seeing her sister so happy makes her heart feel like it’s going to burst. It’s what she deserves.

 

“We should probably get going,” Stacey remarks. Not gonna lie--Gert forgot her mom was even there. Molly pops her head out of the group hug and spots her mom, grinning widely at the sight of her. She pulls herself away from Klara and Gert and happily wraps her arms around Stacey. Gert hates to admit it, but this whole thing makes her sad. Her mom has never looked that excited to see her or hugged her like that, and not to be all woe is Gert, but sometimes, just sometimes...she wishes it was different.

 

Klara hugs Stacey next. They’ve met before, apparently, and Dale and Stacey _love_ her. She’s practically a part of their family now.

 

The same family Gert barely belongs to anymore.

 

They begin to make their way towards Stacey’s car, Molly walking with her arms around both Stacey and Klara. Gert trails behind them, pretending like she’s not phased at all.

 

But she _is_.

 

It just _hurts_ , you know? To know you’ve never been good enough in your parents eyes. Nothing she does will ever make them happy. Gert did all the things they wanted her to. Graduated high school, went to college, got a degree, ended up with an amazing job. She lives in a decent apartment in Brooklyn (by NYC standards) and makes enough money. She’s comfortable. Yeah, she might not be happy, but that’s her own doing. And people wonder why her and Chase aren’t together anymore. She self destructs like a time bomb because she was taught to never trust her own choices ever since she was young. Gert doesn’t know what it’s like to not second guess everything in her life, and she’ll never feel true happiness because she doesn’t know what that is.

 

Chase was the best person in her life for as long as she can remember. Nothing but supportive, and _always_ there for her. He had (and still has) a heart of gold. When Gert’s parents weren’t in her corner, Chase always was. First and foremost, he was her best friend. She just happened to love him more deeply than that. When they finally got together, not much between them changed. Even when they were ‘just friends’, they occasionally ended up making out and fooling around in each other’s beds. The next morning at school, they wouldn’t speak of it. So when Gert and Chase officially became “Gert and Chase”, all that changed was the fact that they had sex and talked about it. It was _great_. They were a force to be reckoned with. The couple everyone was jealous of and wanted to have for themselves. He proposed to her where they had their first date; the spot in the woods where they stargazed. It was just between the two of them and it was perfect. He got down on one knee and asked her to make him happy until they were old and senile. The ring was his grandma’s- she burst into tears when he told her. They were going to get married a year later. Everything was looking up for Gert and Chase.

 

So when things went sour, it was a shock to everyone.

 

The decision to leave Chase wasn’t easy for her. It’s not something she wanted to do, but she felt like she _had_ to. They were so in love, but they were also constantly fighting and didn’t seem happy. Now, after years of therapy, Gert knows she made that last part up in her head. It wasn’t that _they_ weren’t happy, but _she_ wasn’t happy. She was constantly suffering from panic attacks, was on the wrong meds, and barely sleeping. Chase desperately wanted to help her, but she wouldn’t let him. She was pushing him away instead, because that’s all she knows how to do.

 

One night she woke up and had the realization that she needed to leave. She had to go. She was bringing him down and it wasn’t fair to him. So she bought a plane ticket, packed up a few things, wrote the note, and left, with a lot of crying in between. It was a miracle he hadn’t woken up to find her, but Chase was a heavy sleeper. He could sleep through anything, which is why the actual task of leaving was so easy. But getting herself out of that apartment, willing herself to leave him behind...was _torture_. Walking out that door was the hardest thing she’s ever done and it haunts her every second of every day.

 

It’s rich of her to get jealous of happy people, because she _had_ that. She was in love once, and she still is, and probably always will be. But she’ll never have what she truly wants again, and that’s all on her.

 

Cut back to Gert sitting in the backseat next to Klara while daydreaming about all of this. She has absolutely no idea what they’re talking about, but Stacey won’t shut up. She’d do anything to drown out her mother’s voice. She keeps thinking about what Chase said in the voicemail. How he has so much to say but he didn’t want to do it over the phone. She knows he was drunk, but...he meant that. She knows it. She can’t focus on anything else.

 

Maybe tonight would provide them with some type of closure, but she’s not placing any bets.  All she can do is hope that things won’t get too messy, because clearly, Gert and alcohol don’t get along.

 

* * *

 

Gert’s not trying to toot her own horn or anything, but she looks _smokin’_.

 

She’s getting ready in the bathroom attached to the guest bedroom at Karolina and Nico’s and she can’t stop staring at herself. She’ll be damned if she doesn’t make out with someone by the end of the night.

 

She’s had this dress for _months_ . It’s been hanging in her closet, begging to be worn. It’s a deep v-necked yellow slip dress that goes a little past her knees, and it hugs her figure perfectly. There’s a slit up the side that shows off just enough leg. She’s wearing cheetah print heels, just because she can. Also, they look _so_ cute. Her hair is down in messy curls, and she can’t believe just how long her hair has gotten. The curls bounce when she moves, which she loves. Her makeup’s a little more glam than usual--she’s even wearing a smokey eye! Her highlight is poppin’ and she even applied some to her upper chest and shoulders to make them pop out (like Rihanna does, duh.) To top it all off, she applied some of her favorite lip gloss because let’s be honest--she’s trying to get some tonight and she doesn’t want lipstick all over her face. It’s a reasonable fashion choice.

 

Gert sprays on a bit of perfume and messes with her hair some more before a scream from downstairs interrupts her self indulging. She smooths out her dress with her hands before making her way to the living room, where her friends and her sister are currently celebrating together.

 

“What’s going on?” Gert questions. They’re still jumping up and down, squeals filling the room.

 

“Molly gottttt us a LIMO! A LIMO! Your sistttter is the best! She’s _myyyyyy_ sister now!” Karolina exclaims. Gert notices her words are a little slurred. They must’ve started the pregame without her.

 

“That’s awesome! Where’d you get the money for that, Molls?”

 

“Please, I saved it up. Anything for my best girls,” Molly boasts, wrapping her arms around Karolina and Nico’s waists. “I had to make sure this night was unforgettable in every way.”

 

“God, you’re so extra,” Gert notes, rolling her eyes.

 

Molly sticks out her tongue. “You love me.”

 

“So am I gonna be the first to state the obvious here?” Nico says, eyeing Gert from head to toe. “If someone doesn’t bang you tonight, I might have to take one for the team.”

 

Gert blushes. “Nico, I would never let that happen. But thank you,. I try.”

 

“When was the last time you got laid?” Nico asks. _Oh god._ Gert glares at her, because Nico _knows_ the answer. It’s been _too_ damn long.

 

“Anyway!” Gert declares. “Let’s go pregame, girls!” She clasps her hands together and begins walking to the kitchen, blatantly ignoring the question at hand.

 

Listen, Gert can’t lie: she _loves_ sex. Absolutely loves it. And you know what? She’s pretty good at it. She’s _great_ at sex. But she’s very specific about who she has sex with. She’s had flings here and there, but it was never enough for her. It didn’t fill any sort of void in her; if anything it just made it bigger. After a while she realized it wasn’t the sex that sucked, it was the fact that she was used to...earth shattering, mind blowing sex...with _him_. So yeah. Her sex life is non-existent because of Chase Stein. She can’t help that sex with anyone but Chase pales in comparison.

 

 _Thinking about this has to stop_ , Gert tells herself. She absolutely cannot be drinking and imagining sex with Chase. Not now, at least. This is a time to celebrate her best friends and not be horny on main...for _now_.

 

The girls are standing around each other in the kitchen with salt ready to go on their hands. They’re all holding lime wedges and tequila shots. Karolina is a tequila hoe and demanded they each toast to something before taking their shots together.

 

“To Alex’s hot ass!” Amy says. Nico promptly slaps her arm.

 

“I’m toasting to my gorgeous lady! And to free shots tonight!” Klara exclaims, Molly kissing her on the cheek.

 

“I second all that! And also, a toast to a great night tonight and a not so bad hangover in the morning!” Molly laughs while beaming at Klara.

 

“A toast...to Karolina’s thighs,” Nico qrins, knowing Karolina is blushing. Nico pulls her future wife closer so she can give her a big smooch.

 

“To a lifetime of happiness with Nico,” Karolina blushes. She’s _too_ soft.

 

Great. That meant it’s Gert’s turn. Does she even have _anything_ worth toasting to? She knows she’s overthinking this but...god. When _doesn’t_ she overthink?

 

“To...me getting laid tonight!” Gert declares. _Good enough._ Her friends must think so too, because they’re all cheering her on. Ugh yes, validation. It’s what she _deserves_.

 

“Alright ladies, let’s do this thing before the dumb boys show up!” Karolina says. They clink their shot glasses together and take their shots, thus the burning currently running down Gert’s throat. Tequila’s not her favorite, but tonight? It’s her best friend.

 

* * *

 

“We’re making good decisions tonight, you hear me?” Alex stresses as him and Chase exit his car. Chase left his rental behind, knowing he’ll be too drunk to drive home later. He’s beginning to wonder why he got a rental in the first place, but he just wanted to be safe.

 

“Yes, father,” Chase replies mockingly.

 

“Good. No worrying about life’s problems or anything of the sorts. Just have fun, alright?”

 

“I’ll try, dad.”

 

Alex pats Chase on the back as they walk up Karolina and Nico’s front steps. They both can hear the loud screams and laughter coming from inside. Of _course_ they started the fun without them. Chase rings the doorbell and it’s swiftly swung open, Karolina’s smiling face greeting them.

 

“CHASE!! ALEX!!!” she cheers, flinging herself onto both of them. As expected, she smells of both daisies and tequila. Karolina has always been the biggest lightweight, and it seems like that still hasn’t changed.

 

“I’m soooooo glad you’rrrrre finaaaaaaally here! Come! COOOOME! Mooooore shots!” she shouts, forcefully grabbing their hands so she can drag them into the kitchen with her, where everyone else is. Chase is already sweating _profusely_. At least no one will be able to tell, considering he’s wearing a black t-shirt under a black leather jacket. Clearly his wardrobe contains a _lot_ of color.

 

Karolina ushers them into the kitchen and scurries over to pour them some shots. In the meantime, Chase is met with a pair of hands covering his eyes, and at first he thinks it’s Nico but Nico’s right in front of him helping Karolina (who’s already so drunk she can’t pour and hold the shot glass at the same time without getting it everywhere) so who _is_ it? Amy’s with Alex, Gert would _never_ ...so by process of elimination...it’s _gotta_ be...he turns around and yep--it’s Molly.

 

“HEY!!!” Molly squeals, pulling him into a hug. She looks so much older, so much more mature, and she’s _covered_ in body glitter. He can’t believe she’s hugging him. It’s been so long and he missed her _so_ much.

 

“It’s so good to see you Molls,” he says, and he means it. He really, _really_ means it.

 

“I’m so happy you’re here.”

 

Molly leans out of the hug and places her hands on Chase’s shoulders, looking him dead-on in the eyes. It’s almost like she’s studying him. She’s not going to see much, because he’s pretty empty right now.

 

“You look good, Chase,” she quips, winking at him.

 

“Thanks. You do too, as always.”

 

Molly curtsies in reply. “Just wait until you see Gert.”

 

 _Oh_.

 

Well **that** was a punch to the gut.

 

Chase tries not to react to that statement, but he’s not doing a very good job according to Molly’s giggles.

 

“Sorry,” she says, waving a hand in front of her face. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“You can do no wrong in my eyes, Molls. You’re forgiven.”

 

Karolina comes up from behind, Nico in tow. Nico’s holding their shots because Karolina would _definitely_ drop them right now. “Sorry about Mrs. Drunkolina Dean over here. Here you go.”

 

“Drunkolina Dean? That’sssss meeeee!” Karolina snickers, taking a sip from the water bottle in her hand. Nico sits her down in one of the chairs in their kitchen, patting her head.

 

“Babe, you gotta sober up a bit before we leave or tonight’s going to be a disaster.”

 

Karolina nods in response. “Anyyyyything for youuuu, my wifeeeeee.”

 

“Not your wife yet. But soon.”

 

Nico boops her on the nose and helps her drink some more of the water. _They’re so cute it’s sickening_ , Chase thinks to himself. But he knows can’t harp too much on them for that. He and Gert used to be like that. Everyone hated them for it, which made them want to be even more disgustingly adorable. That wasn’t hard, though. They were just _that_ in love. None of it was fake. It was all real.

 

Speaking of Gert... he still hasn’t seen her yet. Nor was he ready to. God, _WHY_ did he send her that voicemail?

 

“The limo should be here soon,” Nico announces, still coddling Karolina.

 

“You got a limo?” Alex asks.

 

“Molly did.”

 

“Niiiice. Wait, where’s Gert?”

 

Chase downs his shot of vodka at the mention of her name. He walks over to the counter to pour himself another, and when he turns around, his first instinct is to grab the whole damn bottle.

 

It’s Gert.

 

 _Gertrude Yorkes_.

 

She’s in the doorway, messing with her heel or whatever. Not that he notices, anyway. He’s focusing on her...upper half.

 

He also can’t breathe. He can’t hear a thing.

 

Is this a personal vendetta? Is she out to get him? Doesn’t she know she’s the one who left _him?_

 

First, she’s in yellow, a color Chase loves on her. Second, her hair is down and it’s curly and all he wants to do is grip onto it run his fingers through it. Third, _her fucking legs._ Oh, and her collarbone. It’s accentuated by an assortment of necklaces and he wants to _bite_ it. _Too much_? Oh well--doesn’t matter because he’s so far gone. He. Can’t. Stop. Staring.

 

Chase is shaken from his thoughts when he hears someone yell ‘Limo’s here!’ His brain isn’t functioning--it’s having a meltdown. He’s short circuiting. Turns out it was Klara, Molly’s girlfriend he has yet to meet, who signalled the gang to the front door. He’ll get acquainted with Klara later--hopefully when his mind can form more thoughts than the word ‘Gert.’

 

He takes one last swig of vodka straight from the bottle before setting it back down. He needs that liquid courage, especially at this very moment, because he’s halfway out the door to the limo and Gert just bumped into him and now every nerve on his body is on _FIRE_.

 

“Oops, sorrrrrry,” she giggles, walking ahead just a smidge. He watches as she spins around to face him.

 

“It’s fine!” Chase squeaks out. She’s standing on the sidewalk just staring at him now, with that cute and impatient ‘Well hurry up already’ look on her face.

 

“Come onnn, Stein. They’re going to drive away without ussss.” _Okay, so, she’s tipsy. Good to know. And she wants to be near me? Also good to know._

 

Gert reaches out, signalling for him to grab her hand.

 

 _Hm_.

 

Chase surprises himself when he does.

 

Neither can deny what they feel the second their hands touch and their fingers interlock.

 

* * *

 

 

Gert’s not sure if she’s super drunk already, if she’s just out of her mind, or both. But she’s currently sat next to Chase in the limo Molly got them for the night, and they’re _still_ holding hands. She has a glass of champagne in one hand and Chase in the other.

 

Like, what the _FUCK_? Did she time travel?!

 

There’s music blasting through the speakers, everyone’s dancing, and the smell of alcohol is ever so present. Her and Chase are tucked into the right corner of the limo, and she keeps stealing glances at him when she knows he’s not looking. She’s mainly staring at his jawline, because fuck--it’s her favorite. Especially when he’s scruffy. She loves every form of Chase but scruffy Chase? Outsold the rest. He has the biggest grin on his face while he sings along to the Britney Spears song that’s currently playing. He looks so _happy_ , which relieves her.

 

“I MUST CONFESS! THAT MY LONELINESS! IS KILLING ME NOOOOWWWWW!”

 

Chase is using his glass as a microphone, which is inspiring to say the least. He takes sips as he’s belting out the lyrics. He’d never tell anyone, but she knows well enough that he chose this song. It’s his favorite karaoke song--they used to go to Karaoke Night every weekend during college. Baby One More Time was his song of choice every time. One year they even dressed up as Britney and the boy from the music video--the part in the gym where Britney’s staring longingly at a boy in a black tank top while he spins a basketball and looks over at her. It was one of their best couples costumes, if she does say so herself.

 

“DON’T YOU KNOW I STILL BELIEVE!!!”

 

Chase is looking at her now--actually he’s singing right to her. In front of everyone. They’re too drunk to notice, but he’s really doing that, huh?

 

“AND GIVE ME A SIGNNNN!” He’s all up in her face now, with wide eyes and that infectious smile. Gert grins back at him and they continue to gaze at each other, long after the song has ended. Ariana Grande’s ‘Into You’ plays next, and wow, this playlist is super gay. Gert really loves how _gay_ her friends are.

 

 _‘Is this gonna happen?_ __  
_Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move_  
Before I make a move’

 

“Hey...” Chase whispers in her ear. He’s leaning on her now, and she can feel his body heat. She’s doing everything in her power not to put her hands all over him.

 

“Hi.”

 

 _‘This could take some time, hey_ __  
_I made too many mistakes_  
Better get this right, right, baby’

 

Gert didn’t have to restrain herself for much longer--because _Chase_ made the first move. He snakes his hand around her thigh, lightly trailing her back with the other. She looks at him with a fire in her eyes and decides to just _go for it,_ adjusting her body so she can move into his lap-- _yes_ , his _lap--with_ ease. Wasn’t easy with a dress on, but she made it work. She’s full on sitting in his lap now now.

 

“This is fun,” Gert bites her lip. Chase reaches for his glass, still holding onto her with one hand, which is _so fucking hot_ to her. He was always strong enough to carry her around with one arm only when they were still together, and this was _very_ reminiscent of that. His touch was still so soft and tender--like he was holding the most precious thing in the world.

 

“Cheers?”

 

Gert grabs her champagne and smiles at him. “Cheers!” _Clink, clink._

 

They down the remnants of their drinks, not once taking their eyes off one another.

 

 _‘A little bit scandalous, but baby, don’t let them see it_ __  
_A little less conversation and a little more touch my body_  
'Cause I’m so into you, into you, into you’

 

Gert remains on Chase’s lap for the rest of the drive and once they arrive, they exit the limo hand in hand. Chase feels like he’s entered an alternate universe, but he’s not complaining. She’s walking ahead of him now and he can’t help but admire her. She’s mesmerizing in every sense of the word. She looks so damn good in that dress--it’s hugging her in every right way.

 

He’s been in love with this girl for as long as he can remember, but tonight...it feels like he’s seeing her for the first time again.

 

* * *

 

They’re well into the night now, and everyone’s doing shots at the front of the bar. Karolina and Nico are donning tiaras (despite Nico’s rage) and pins that say “Future Wife” on them (Karolina’s idea). Karolina repeatedly said that it’s a gay bar and it’ll get them free drinks so...it’s worth it. Gert thinks Karolina doesn’t need anymore alcohol for the rest of the night, but she’s also a little too drunk already so she knows she can’t judge. Also, she’s not really paying attention to anything but Chase’s ass in those jeans, so.

 

They’ve been attached at the hip since she made a home for herself in his lap in the limo and she’s _loving_ it...a little _too_ much, maybe. She knows there will be consequences for this indulgence in each other later but she can’t bring herself to care about that right now. She’ll deal with it later.

 

Honestly, she’s really just enjoying his company. And his ass. It’s nice to be around him again...and also his ass.

 

“Gert? You okay?” she hears him murmur in her ear, making her tingle.

 

“Yep!” _A little too obvious, Gert._ She looks up at him and _ohmygod_ he’s standing so close to her. He grins at her and ohhhh she’s dying. His cheeks are flushed--from blushing and from the alcohol--and his dimples are practically _screaming_ at her. She’s always loved those damn dimples. Why’s he have to be so cute, and so hot, yet so charming at the same time?

 

Next thing she knows his hand is in her own again, and he’s leading her to the bar stools. She takes a quick glance around and notices that everyone else is off on the dance floor already. So why aren’t they with the rest of them? Not that she minds, really. A private moment with Chase is, well, everything.

 

“Come with me.”

 

“What are we doing? Everyone else is dancing!” she gripes. Is she doing a better job at hiding her internal excitement by deflecting? He pulls out a stool for her and helps her sit down, resting on the one next to her.

 

“Can’t a guy buy a girl a drink?” Chase protests, winking at her. He’s surprised the words actually left his mouth--he’s _so_ nervous. Gert’s not aware of his nerves because she’s too focused on her own. Gert Yorkes, nervous and blushing because of a boy named Chase Stein? More likely than you think.

 

“Of course,” she replies. Chase gets the attention of the bartender and orders a rum and coke for her and a whiskey sour for himself--their classic drinks of choice. They’ve spent many nights together at bars, just going there to enjoy each other’s company.

 

Kind of like they are right now.

 

“Here you go, ” Chase says, handing the drink to Gert. She sees the limmer of light in his eyes for the first time all weekend. The butterflies in her stomach are multiplying with each second that passes.

 

“Thank you,” she says, taking a sip. Chase can’t help but notice the way she’s using her tongue to get the straw into her mouth. This is _torture_.

 

They’re sitting so close now. Any onlooker who didn’t know them would think they were a couple. Their legs are brushing up against each other’s under the bar top, and her hand is resting on top of his on his thigh. Gert doesn’t remember how her hand got there but but she’s not mad about it.

 

“So…” Chase begins to say. Gert freezes. _Is he about to bring up the voicemail? Oh god. She’s too inebriated for that._

 

“Hmm?”

 

“How’s your cat?” Gert chokes on her drink. That was the _last_ thing she expected him to say.

 

“Wait--you know about her?”

 

Chase chuckles and sets his whiskey down, turning his body more towards her. “I didn’t just fall off the face of the earth. I hear things. And maybe creep a little bit. Sorry.”

 

“Oh, yeah. She’s great. I wanted to bring her but...wasn’t a great idea.”

 

“Her name’s Old Lace, right? Like from the movie? Is it weird I know all of this?” He ducks his head a little, out of shame or because he’s _still_ blushing.

 

Gert shrugs. “Nah. I’m guilty to creeping too. We’re only human. And yeah, that’s her name. She’s black and white and she’s the _best_.”

 

“I bet. My roommate has a dog, actually. His name’s Oliver, and he sleeps with me half the time,” he sighs. “I don’t know what he’s going to do if I...nevermind.”

 

Well, Chase should just go fuck himself, because he knows she’ll pry this out of him and it’ll become a whole thing. Stupid drunk brain making his dumb mouth say things he shouldn’t say. She’s looking at him all wide eyed and concerned and curious, and he _can’t_ resist that.

 

“I might move home for a bit. On a non-permanent basis. I’ve just been thinking about it since you know, I found out about my mom. And now that she’s really sick and doesn’t have much time, uh, left, I think I might have to take time off work and do it.”

 

“Oh Chase, I’m sorry,” Gert says.

 

“It’s all good. London can get pretty dreary and I could use some more sun in my life.”

 

“Definitely.”

 

“I haven’t told anyone that yet. Not even Victor, my roommate. You should be honored.” Cracking a joke to break the awkwardness. _Classic_ Chase.

 

“Oh, I am. First you buy me a drink and now I get your deepest secret? What more could a girl ask for?” _I don’t know, Gert. Maybe a do-over of the past five years?_

 

They’re interrupted for a moment by the bartender who has now brought over two shots for them. _It’s on the house_ , he says. They both erupt into laughter after he walks away.

 

“Must’ve overheard our conversation about cats and death, huh?” Chase grins. “Say, how about we take these and then go to the floor?”

 

“I’d never turn down a chance to dance.”

 

They clink their glasses together and down goes the alcohol, which, by the way, is _definitely_ vodka. Chase makes, a face and Gert can’t help but giggle because there’s some dripping down his chin.

 

“Messy boy,” Gert says, wiping at the excess on his face with a napkin. Her fingers trail his bottom lip by accident, sending chills up his spine.

 

“There, all better. Let’s, uh, let’s go!”

 

She links their arms together and they make their way to the dance floor. Chase’s cheeks hurt from smiling. This feels so normal, so _right_ \--only if he ignores the slight pang of pain in his chest.

 

* * *

 

The dance floor is packed, but they manage to find their friends pretty easily. Getting into the groove of dancing isn’t hard for either of them, especially because they’re even _more_ drunk now. Gert thinks drunk dancing is the most fun and the most glamorous because well, you have no fucking idea what you’re doing and you don’t care. She’s flipping her hair, she’s sweating like crazy, and she has not a care in the world.

 

It’s _so_ much fun.

 

Chase lost Gert a few songs ago--she got sucked up into the group of dancing girls smack dab in the middle of the dance floor. A remix of an ABBA song is blasting over the speakers and Chase can feel the bass in his soul. He’s standing off to the side, trying to ignore Alex and Amy making out next to him.

 

To be honest, he’s bored. He misses Gert.

 

Clingy bastard.

 

 _Maybe_ he could sneak off to the bathroom...or back to the bar... _orrrrr_ ….

 

Stand here and wait for Gert.

 

Yep, he’ll wait for Gert. You know that part of the night when you’re too drunk to even move? Chase is already there. He barely notices when Don’t You Want Me starts blaring and everyone in the bar screams--good 80s bops always get the gays going. Especially Gert, who’s now poking her head out of the crowd, trying to get his attention.

 

 _‘Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet_ __  
_Success has been so easy for you_ __  
_But don't forget, it's me who put you where you are now_  
And I can put you back down too’

 

“COME DANCE WITH ME!!!” Gert begs. She’s standing in front of him, bouncing up and down. Chase obliges, taking off his jacket and laying it on Alex’s lap (who’s still making out with Amy, BTW) and follows her to the dance floor.

 

They fall into a rhythm fast. It was always easy, with Gert until it wasn’t.

 

Their bodies are pressed up so close together--she can feel his pecs through his shirt. His hands are on her waist and they’re moving in synced motions. Gert is _so_ drunk and she can’t stop touching his biceps as they dance. Despite all the touching--they never lose eye contact. They can’t stop staring at each other.

 

 _‘It's much too late to find_ __  
_You think you've changed your mind_  
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry’

 

“DON’T YOU WANT ME BABY!!!! DON’T YOU WANT ME, OHHHH!” The crowd sings loud and off key around them, but they’re too focused on ogling each other with their eyes to join in. They manage to get _even_ closer with each grind. Chase’s hands are exploring her body--currently they’re resting on her ass. Gert wraps her hands around his neck and rests them there as they continue to dance in their own little drunk and hazy world.

 

 _‘You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me_ __  
_Don't, don't you want me?_  
You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me’

 

He lets go of his grip on her, taking her hand and spinning her around until she collapses back into his chest. She looks up at him amidst a giggle. Their faces are so close now. He’s looking down at her--scratch that, he’s blatantly staring at her lips.

 

He doesn’t notice that she’s eyeing his as well.

 

It’s only seconds before the inevitable happens.

 

 _‘Don't you want me, baby?_ __  
_Don't you want me, ohh?_  
Don't you want me, baby?’

 

Gert flicks her eyes up, turning her attention to his gaze, as if she’s asking for permission.

 

“Chase?” she asks, breathlessly.

 

He pulls her tighter with one arm, and uses his other hand to cup her chin. He doesn’t have to answer her. Gert stands on her tiptoes just a tiny bit to reach his face, and before she knows it, his lips are touching hers. They stay like that for a while--a pure, soft kiss--before going deeper. She can feel his heart beating out of his chest.

 

Chase’s mouth is so inviting to her, and she can’t believe how much she missed the feeling of _this_ . Of _his_ lips. She missed this, missed him so much. They both taste of alcohol and longing. There are so many thoughts swimming through Chase’s mind, but he can’t process any of them. Gert’s tongue is in his mouth, her hands in his hair and _his_ hand is gripping her ass. There’s no going back from this.

 

 _Especially_ when all their friends are watching.

 

They pull apart as the song ends, resting their foreheads on each other. Gert has her arms around his neck again and they’re both breathing _so_ heavily. He hears her giggle, but he’s too shocked to make a sound at all. He can’t _believe_ that just happened.

 

 _Best. Kiss._ **_Ever_ ** _._

 

* * *

 

It’s almost 2 am and the night is winding down. Gert and Chase are off to the side standing together and Gert’s head is resting on his shoulder. Both of them are basking in the afterglow of...whatever just happened between them on the dance floor. They’re too drunk to make a fuss about it.

 

“We should get out of here,” Chase insists, placing a kiss on the top of her head. Kill bill sirens are going off in Gert’s mind.

 

“Okay, yeah, let’s do that. Do you think anyone will mind?”

 

Chase shakes his head. “Everyone seems a little too preoccupied right now.” Gert looks around and sees Karolina and Nico are currently making out, Amy and Alex are mid grind on the dance floor, and Klara and Molly are full on laughing in each other’s arms. _Ugh_ , happy people.

 

“I think you’re right.”

 

They sneak out the front exit and start walking down the street, Gert swinging their hands (which are currently intertwined) as they go.

 

“Chase?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m drunk.”

 

He laughs. “That you are.” _You’re also very cute, Gertrude._

 

_Damn it, shut up brain._

 

Gert shivers and realizes how dumb she is for not wearing a coat. LA _does_ get cold at night sometimes. She’s desensitized to what Californians see as ‘cold’ weather, now that she’s a fake New Yorker, but she can’t help but feel the chill currently in the air. _Please don’t notice, please don’t notice…_

 

“You cold?” Chase prods. _Ugh_.

 

“Little bit.”

 

“Wait, stop,” Chase pauses to take off his jacket and places it on her shoulders. “There. Better?” She nods and smiles at him, reaching for his hand again. Always such a gentleman, that Chase Stein.

 

“Are you hungry?” Gert asks.

 

“Always.”

 

“You were always the type of drunk who immediately needed a pizza in their mouth any time after 1 am.”

 

Chase shrugs. “I can’t help that pizza’s _so_ good.”

 

“Well, we could…” Gert trails off. _Bad idea. Bad,_ **_bad_ ** _idea._

 

“We could what?”

 

“What if we went back to our--my hotel room and ordered a pizza?” she proposes, biting her lip. Chase looks over at her, eyes wide.

 

“Y--you sure?” Honestly, Chase feels like he just got asked out on a date for the first time. In a way he _has_ , but it’s...different. She’s not a stranger--she’s the love of his life **_and_ ** the woman who broke his heart. Someone he always wanted to let back in but feared the day would never come, and he knew if it did that things might not work out anyway.

 

“Only if you want to?”

 

Chase takes a deep breath in before answering. “Y--yeah. Yeah. Let’s do it. Call a Lyft and I’ll order the pizza while we’re in the car?”

 

_Here goes nothing._

 

* * *

 

They both stumble out of the Lyft and into the lobby of their hotel, running towards the elevator and hopping in instantly. Gert starts playing with all of the buttons and Chase swats a hand at her. “Stop. Pizza, remember?”

 

She sticks her tongue out at him. “You’re no fun.”

 

“Oh, I am.” He raises an eyebrow. “But I want my pizza.”

 

“We’re on the same floor, right?” Gert questions. Chase pokes at her side.

 

“You forgot already?”

 

“Mmm, no. Just still in disbelief that we managed to do that somehow,” she notes.

The elevator dings and the doors open, and once again they’re hand in hand walking towards Gert’s room. Chase can’t believe this is really happening. Gert opens the door and they fly in, Chase flopping onto her bed as she takes off her heels.

 

“Aaaah, that feels SO good,” she moans, throwing them off to the side. She plops herself onto the bed next to him, laying on her stomach while he’s staring up at the ceiling, her face diagonal to his.

 

“Whatcha staring at?” she asks. He turns to look at her and starts laughing.

 

“Nothing. Just drunk, room is spinning,” he motions with his hands.

 

Gert purses her lips. “That’s valid.”

 

There’s a sudden knock at the door and Chase leaps up to get it. He’s back on the bed minutes later with a fresh box of pizza in his hands.

 

“PIZZA!” he exclaims.

 

Gert rubs her hands together before she practically rips the box open. She takes out one piece for her and one for him. Chase thanks her quietly before shoving it in his mouth.

 

He hasn’t felt this happy and content in...forever. He’s in a dreamstate.

 

* * *

 

They devour the pizza quickly, before Chase puts the empty box onto the nightstand and starts sipping on some water. He hands the glass to Gert, urging her to drink some too.

 

They’re both laying atop the bed on their backs now, with their legs intertwined. Chase can feel himself coming down from his drunken state, reality beginning to sink in. But he wants to stay here, wants to stay next to her, in this hazy moment for a bit longer. Just to take it all in. Doesn’t wanna face what comes next.

 

“Thanks, Chase.”

 

“For the water?”

 

“No, silly,” she chuckles. “For tonight. I had a lot of fun.”

 

“It’s no problem,” he turns to face her, and he’s not at all surprised to see that she’s looking at him too. He extends a hand to brush a piece of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. His hand lingers there for a bit longer, his thumb caressing her cheek.

 

“God, I…” He stops himself for a split second. It’s stupid and he’s _so_ afraid. The hurt in his chest is growing, and it’s starting to take over. The drunk oblivion he entered is fading away.  

 

But she’s just so damn _pretty_. She’s looking at him like he has all the answers, like he’s the only person in the world. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips are an endless wonderland, and her eyes are sparkling. Does she know how much that hurts him? How badly he wants her, knowing he did once, and now he can’t?

 

_Fuck._

 

“I miss you.”

 

So he says it. He says it because he feels like he should be able to, even if it’s embarrassing. Even if it’s a mistake. Honesty is the best policy, right?

 

She’s still looking at him, hoping his eyes will tell her what to say. The _right_ thing to say. But right now she can’t think, she can’t breathe, she can’t form thoughts. So she does the next best thing she can do; by closing the gap between their faces and pressing her lips to his.

 

Hands are roaming, legs still intertwined. They’re panting, their souls are hungry. His arms are around her waist when she climbs on top of him. Now he’s reaching for her dress straps, pulling them down her shoulders slowly.

 

“That tickles,” Gert says through little pecks of kisses. She sneaks her hands up under his shirt, tracing his chest with her fingers. She misses touching him like this. She misses _this_ so much.

 

She misses _him_.

 

And at that second, it’s as if Chase can read her mind. Almost as soon she tugs at the hem of his shirt, he halts all movement.

 

“G--Gert, I…” he stammers out.

 

She doesn’t say a word, because she knows what’s coming next. Instead, she nods sympathetically, pulling herself off of him.

 

“I can’t. Not now. I’m sorry. I--I have to go.”

 

He moves up and off the bed, hurriedly rushing over to put his shoes back on. He grabs his coat and wallet, and Gert watches from the bed as he whips the door open. He doesn’t turn back around to look at her before he’s gone. Doesn’t say a single word.

 

The tears start to fall way before the door slams itself shut.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet_ __  
_And now she's all over me, it's like I paid for it_  
_It's like I paid for it, I'm gonna pay for this_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took forever for me to get up! Life got kind of nuts there for a while and then the excitement for Season 2 took over my entire thought process but I'm back and ready to be angsty (and fluffy dw) <3 Thank you all for your kind words and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!!


End file.
